Don't Knock on My Door

I've finally decided I need to invest in a "No Soliciting" sign for our front door, although our neighbor says they usually just ignore hers and knock anyway.
We get lots of people selling things door to door around here, we've even had a few who straight out ask you for money. If you are ever trying to sell something door to door, here are some tips, from me to you....

• Don't do some cute little knock that requires you to bang out a long rhythm on my door. Two knocks will do, more than that just annoys me.
• Look professional. You can start by combing your hair and wearing appropriate clothing. If you're knocking on my front door in your booty shorts and tank top trying to tell me that you're a straight A student selling magazines for extra money for your education, I'm going to close that door right in your face. A straight A student would know better.
• Which brings me to my second point. Don't lie to me. Like this man today, he comes to my door with messy hair, wearing a wife beater, an open front short sleeve shirt and khaki shorts and flip flops and tries to tell me that he's just finishing up his degree in communications and has a 4.0 GPA and that he's been offered a six week internship with the BBC in London and he's selling magazines to earn his airfare and hotel expenses. Do I have stupid written on my forehead?! I've taken a few communications classes myself and I know that they teach you about appearance and body language. From your appearance and the way you won't look me directly in the eye when you're telling me about your college conquests, I'm gonna say you're not on the level.
• If you're handing me a pamphlet, don't keep it folded up in your back pocket. If you want me to purchase something from you, you've got to be professional about it.
  
• Don't ask me for dirt on my neighbors
• Don't tell me that you still live with your mom, especially when you're obviously in your late 20's, early 30's.
  
• And last, but not least.....just don't knock on my door.