When I was a girl, my friends and I would play that M.A.S.H. game. Don't pretend you didn't play it too. You would write down your top four choices for things like who you would marry, how many children you'd have, what job you would have, where you would live, what kind of car you would drive,....the list could be endless. Then through random counting and crossing out and circling, you would arrive at your destiny---Married to a movie star, driving a brand new convertible, working as a professional singer, living on the beach, and raising eight beautiful children.
No one tells you about the realities of life. No one tells you that your chances of being rich and famous and never having to have a "real" job are slim to none. No one tells you how hard it is to raise one child, let alone the numbers on your little M.A.S.H paper. No one tells you that once you have those children, you're going to have to rearrange every priority in your life and more than likely, your "dreams" will change in the blink of an eye.
Before I got married and had my first child, I was a music major, vocal performance to be exact. I don't mind saying that I was pretty good, and getting better thanks to amazing professors. I had my little dreams about auditioning for opera companies, even if I was just in the chorus, and eventually having my own studio. I loved to perform.
Enter marriage. I still was going to school. I was a bit distracted, but still focused on my dream.
Enter baby. Jonah was born in January. I attended full time at college the semester before he was born. Even performing in several concerts, recitals, and juries in December. My pregnant belly would bounce with my breathing and I had a very hard time with the long phrases. I looked pretty silly, but sounded pretty good.
After Jonah was born, reality sunk in. Going to school full time and taking care of a new baby while your husband also goes to school full time and works full time is no easy task. So I "took a break". This is where the dreams begin to change.
All of a sudden I'm thinking more about financial aspects of my chosen path. Music isn't exactly a sure thing business to get into and I want to be able to contribute to our family if I need to. We'd decided that I would be a stay at home mom, but I wanted to be prepared should the situation change. We found that both of us going to school full time and Nate working full time wasn't working out, so I stopped going to school. Not before I'd taken some family studies courses and gotten interested.
It took five years before I was able to continue my education. I'm so grateful for online degree programs. But now, my dream has changed from being a performer to being a good mom. I love my major, family life studies, because it applies directly to my life. When I'm finished, depending on our situation at the time, I'd like to pursue a masters degree, possibly in marriage and family therapy.
It's funny how my dreams have changed to much simpler things...healthy, happy kids, a good marriage, a career helping others. These are my new dreams. My wonderful, attainable, fulfilling dreams.
I know this post is incredibly long, and I didn't initially mean for it to be. It was inspired my recent events in our home. Nate has changed his dreams. He always dreamed of working in law enforcement. He loved the idea of chasing down the bad guy, driving the police car, and carrying his gun everyday. He's worked toward this for a long time. He finally finished his B.A. and recently he applied for border patrol. It was his "dream". He could use his Spanish, carry his firearm, and have exciting work days. He passed his test and was given a tentative offer of employment. We filled out all the paperwork and he passed the next hiring phase. Then he got his job with Verizon, which has been going really well. When the cards came for us to get his fingerprints done and mailed in and to schedule his interview, he made the hard decision. He said, "Border patrol may be perfect for me, but it's not perfect for our family." I'm so proud of him for putting our family first. He recognized that it would mean a lot more time apart, dangerous work, and a drastic lifestyle change for our family. While we mourn the loss of Nate's dream, we rejoice in the blessings we have. His new job is working out wonderfully so far and shows lots of promise.
I love you Nate. Thank you for being such an amazing husband, father, friend, and example.
