Friday, July 10, 2009

faith, or the lack thereof...

This post is prompted by a blessing. Today is payday and, as usual, the first thing I did today was check the bank account and pay the bills. I almost always hate this task because we inevitably end up with hardly any money left. This has been the case for us our entire marriage. Whether because of poor planning, fewer work hours, unwise spending, or unexpected bills, we've always barely squeaked by. Sometimes we haven't squeaked by and have had to ask for help.
I've always been a stay at home mom. Sometimes I feel guilty, like I'm not contributing to our family's well being enough because I don't bring in any money. So many times I've thought about getting a job. I would think that if I worked, we could afford to save up some money, we could afford nicer things and a vacation once in a while. But every time that I've taken it to the Lord, He reassures me that home is where I'm needed the most and that we will be taken care of. It's so hard to watch my husband work so hard and come home exhausted and in pain every day and to see that his labors only just barely pay the bills. But I know that we're blessed. It's so easy to think of all the things we don't have and forget about the blessings that we do have. We're blessed with a place to live, food to eat, clothing to wear, vehicles to drive, each other, and three beautiful, healthy children.
I was nervous about the bills today because we had to pay our first payment on our recently purchased Jeep. The financing didn't turn out the way we had hoped and our payment ended up being about $100 more per month than we'd planned on. I've been dreading having to pay it. I've done the math over and over and over and it never worked. There was absolutely NO WAY we could afford this and still have money for the basics, like food and diapers. So, I said a prayer before starting the bi-monthly ritual and just went forward. I paid the tithing first, followed by all the other bills and saved the car payment for last. As I did the math, I was shocked to see that, after the car payment, we still would have enough in our account for groceries and gas. Just barely enough, but enough.
I'm humbled by how the Lord watches out for us, even when my faith isn't as strong as it should be.

4 comments:

Kandis said...

I know how that can feel. I remember when we were first married Dave made $7 per hour and I had no idea how were going to pay our rent and other bills. It was amazing how when we paid tithing first everything seemed to work out. Since then we ALWAYS start with tithing...and the Lord makes up the rest!

Camille said...

It always amazes me how much Heavenly Father knows each of us and what worries us. It's inspiring to have the knowledge that he really does know us and takes care of us when we follow his simple commandments! It's also another testimony of how important it is for mother's to stay at home and raise righteous children. I hope that when we have kids, I can stay home with them!

Nick and Tanya and Family said...

I know exactly how that feels. I have to admit that Tithing is a powerful thing

Unknown said...

Amazing, huh?? With Dustin being out of work for 6 out of the 12 months last year, we've def. had our lesson in having faith! Even when we were suppose to only have 3 dollars left over a month, we somehow had like, 200.
And don't feel like you're not contributing with not working. Being a mother 100% of the time is so much better than working for a few hundred dollars a month. Just do what you can, like save money when grocery shopping and being thrifty!